The winner is Bernie!
I also have another North American Nintendo 64 that anyone can have for free, if you happen to live somewhere that it's worthwhile to pay to for the shipping. It doesn't have any hookups and I swapped the innards into a different shell. When I put it back together, I missed a couple tiny pieces of shielding for around the expansion port. It likely works fine, but I can include shielding if you want to open it up and stick them back in.