Three words and a story. Your chance to be a writer.

[ceti alpha]

Mike Helgeson came on shoutbox and said, "f*ckers, horses, and fishnet. You have 10 minutes to write a story that incorporates these three things." So, I tried. I'll be honest, I took longer than 10 minutes (more like 20) hehe, but I did get something down. It wasn't until the end that I realized that I forgot to include "fishnet" into the story. I went back and stuck it in there. Read carefully or you will miss the fishnet reference. lol

Anyway, here's my lame story. lol 

There once were 3 f*ckers that loved the Genesis and would play all day on their horse ranch. They each only had one game for the console, but would share the games amongst themselves. So, together they had the three good games for the Genesis: Streets of Rage, Sonic, Ghosts and Goblins. One day f*cker #1 remember that
he was a f*cker and that all this sharing went against their nature, so he took all three games and went on a quest on one of the horses to hide the Genesis games from the rest of the f*ckers.

After four weeks of searching f*cker # 1 found the perfect hiding spot and started to make his way back to the ranch. However, on the way back he had an accident, fell off the horse and hit his head. He not only forgot where he hit his head, but also forgot who he was. All he remembered was that he liked games.
Not knowing where to go, he made his way to the local town and picked himself up a Turbografx.  In town he ran into the other two f*ckers who were pissed off at him for taking off with the games. He told them that he doesn’t remember anything, but said he has a Turbografx to play games on. The other f*ckers said OK, and they all went back to the ranch to try out this abomination of a game system.

When they got home and plugged in the Turbografx and f*cker # 1 put in Space Harrier. As the Sega logo appeared f*cker #1 started to remember who he was. Because there was only one controller port and no Turbotap, the other two f*ckers were constantly nagging f*cker # 1 to share the game. They were also dissing the graphics and kept yelling out, “This is only 8-bit!!!” It was then,like a flash of Blast Processing, that all of f*cker #1’s memories came rushing back to him and decided that these two other f*ckers were just getting in his way of a good gaming experience. So he tied them up in the fishnet that just happens to be lying around, put them on one of the horses and sent them away.

f*cker #1 then went back up to the ranch house to play Space Harrier the way it was meant to be played.

Ok, your turn.

Write a short story that incorporates "ringtones", "van", and "Dracula X Special Version". 

[Joe Redifer]

Story:


I was driving home in my van with my newly acquired purchase of Dracula X Special Edition which I found for 32 cents at the thift store along with a nice deal on some used deodorant.  As I was cycling through various ringtones on my cellphone to see which one I liked best, I hit an old lady, crashed, rolled and died.  The end.

That was easy.  Took less than a minute.  new challenge:  Use the words "anus", "leaf" and "herpes:.

[Michael Helgeson]

Ok, your turn.

Write a short story that incorporates "ringtones", "van", and "Dracula X Special Version". 

Sam was running for his life. He didn't know if he would make it in time or not,but he had to try god dammit! He just managed to steal Nintegas copy of Dracula X Special Version at the PCE Drag Queen Convention,and he knew that soon as shit Nintega would be hitting his cell phone and calling all the queens he can to round up a  posse.

Sam's van was in poor condition. He knew it wouldn't make it to Konami USA in a cross country trip,esp in time and be able to elude Nintega's goons as everyone knows what Sam's van looks like. You see,Sam once had the van painted pink and had the side detailed with Guns and Roses logos.

Sam had the idea to trade in the copy of Dracula X for a new paint job with side art that included images of Alec Baldwins The Shadow. Sam is a big Alec Baldwin/Shadow nutt. Super hard core. He has even made his own special ring tones using The Shadows sinister pedo laugh and movie soundtrack. Pretty sick shit.

Sam is scared,he doesn't know what to do,he cant think straight,mind numbed by the thoughts of the barter he thinks he will get to work out with Konami USA. Hes excited as hell. The problem is Sam is asleep.

Sam is in a coma and is dreaming all of this,in a loop,over and over again,and every time he makes it to the 4 way on Oak and 5th Street the light turns red,he gets stuck there for 5 mins to contemplate what to do and what he wants Konami USA to do in this deal he has conceived, and out of the blue a 57' Chevy falls from the sky and hits his van,crushing him,the van,and the stolen copy of Dracula X Special Version.

Every time this happens the dream starts again. What Sam is unaware of in his coma state is that Nintega is in the room,as a CNA worker there,in his woman disguise, and fondles Sam while he is stuck in his dreams. Sam will never wake up,and Nintega plans to work there till he retires. Its horrible.

The End.

[Sinistron]

 

What's the next three keywords Mike?

[Michael Helgeson]

Joe said "anus", "leaf" and "herpes".

[Sinistron]

The herpes sore ridden anus tried to turn over a new leaf so he jumped into his van attempting to track down a copy of Dracula X Special Version- thinking it would give him credibility with the Turbo Masters.  Passing through many states on his way to a fabled retro video game store he came upon a ranch hand on the road who waved him down.  The anus slowed his van and rolled down the window.  "What seems to be the trouble?" asked the anus.  "The garddarn horses got free under my watch- I'm trying to call them back- but downloading all these ringtones f*cked up my cellphone- can I use yours?".  "Sure thing ace" replied the anus- handing over his cellphone to the ranch hand.  The ranch hand started laughing his ass off.  "Thanks for the iPhone bub.  It's mine now of course.  You really think horses carry cellphones- let alone speak english?  What kind of anus would fall for that gag?"  He looked into the front seat of the van and noticed that the anus was wearing fishnet stockings.  "Oh- ok- you're THAT kind of anus.  You must be from New Jersey- where all of the sexually confused f*ckers come from" said the ranch hand.  "Hey man give me back my phone!" girlishly screamed Ni- umm- the anus.  The ranch hand doubled over with laughter, then did a swift kick through the van's open window and expertly cut open the anus's throat with his boot spur.  "Die you piece of Jersey trash" said the ranch hand.

The ranch hand then took the anus's body- dragged it back to the ranch and cut it up into little pieces to feed to the horses- who of course never roamed from the ranch in the first place. 

The moral of the story is to never try to get "in" with the Turbo Masters if you're just a fishnet wearing anus from New Jersey without any sense.

The new key words are "blueberry", "coil", and "clamshell".

[rag-time4]

One day, after his latest gaming triumph, Gamer X thought he had the prize of all prizes. Our hero had entered a tournament for the ages: a winner-take all battle royale in which the combatants were pitted one against the other in a single-elimination-style test of skills using the 2D classic King of Fighters 98. The prize for the tournament was a major draw: a super-rare and highly sought after prototype copy of Dracula X: Special version, for the Sega Genesis! This little known English-language version reportedly includes some of the finest voice samples ever heard on the Genesis, making it a true showpiece for the audio capabilities of that much-maligned console. However, having secured what he considered to be the holy grail of the Genesis, Mister X was in for a big surprise.

With his chest stuck out and his ego out of control, he believed his name would be remembered forever in the annals of gaming legend; but when he returned home to pop the prize into his blast-processing powered Genesis, he found that his prize had been a hoax all along. There was nothing in the clamshell but a lousy blueberry!!

I know what you're thinking, dear readers: our gaming hero didn't make out too badly -- his prize must have been something like the electronic gizmo known as 'the blackberry.' Alas, this was not the case. What was supposed to be a piece of gaming history was nothing but a single, underwhelming piece of fruit. Apparently, the organizers of the tourney thought it would be funny to humiliate our hero by making him think he had won something he always wanted: a second Castlevania game for his beloved Genny, but this cruel prank was not funny to Gamer X.

Never one to accept being publicly humiliated, our hero immedeately concocted a plan to rid the world forever of the malevolent pranksters who thought they had broken him. Our hero went and gathered up his most beloved pet: An extremely venomous Cobra named  'Musashi.' Mister X gathered this reptilian agent of death into a duffle bag, and set out for revenge. On the way back to the tournament site, thoughts of the pranksters running in terror from the living coil of death ran through his mind -- revenge being the only redress for the terrible humiliation he felt when he first opened that clamshell.

My three words: Lazer, masticate, and Hulkamania.

[Black Tiger]

Story:


I was driving home in my van with my newly acquired purchase of Dracula X Special Edition which I found for 32 cents at the thift store along with a nice deal on some used deodorant.  As I was cycling through various ringtones on my cellphone to see which one I liked best, I hit an old lady, crashed, rolled and died.  The end.

That was easy.  Took less than a minute.  new challenge:  Use the words "anus", "leaf" and "herpes:.

I swear to turn over a new leaf after winding up with herpes on my anus.