3 tales of the toilet!
First time I encountered a bidet was in Spain. I had to pee REAL bad and entered the bathroom; the lid was down so I started peeing in the convenient urinal next to it. I then saw the sink-like handles on the bidet and panicked. I did not pee everywhere, but I did leave that bathroom looking rather sheepish.
Second tale of the toilet was in Japan. Was staying with my host family and used the bathroom. I saw a bunch of buttons on the wall next to me, and being a compulsive button pusher, I threw caution to the wind and pushed the big red one. SURPRISE ASS-SPRAY! I figure it's on a timer and wait for it to finish. and wait. and wait... I start pushing other buttons, labeled in moon language, to no avail. Eventually, I get the darn thing to stop. My ass was so clean it squeaked.
Finally, my only encounter with squat toilets in Japan went surprisingly well, though fortunately all I had to do was #1. However, I tried to do it like a urinal and stood full upright. There was splashing. to avoid dirtying myself I moved my legs apart until I looked like an inverted Y. Seemed to work.
