A conundrum

[SamIAm]

You work directly for the president of a mid-size Japanese company. He is nice enough, but exercises dictator-like authority, and the staff is somewhat scared of him.

You are pretty sure he wears a toupee - sure enough that you would bet $1000 on it. However, you are possibly the only one in the office who has noticed this. Of course, you don't dare mention it to anyone, and you make it a rule to avoid the topic of hair altogether when talking with him. He is clearly extremely self-conscious about his appearance because of his very public position, and has little humor about it.

Today, for the first time in years, he has come in with a slightly different hairstyle. You're still 99.9% sure that it's just a different toupee.

You have a daily meeting with him. Whenever you get a haircut, he says something about it. So, what do you do today?

A: Ask if he got a haircut, and briefly compliment him if he says yes.

B: Don't say a damn thing.

Option A entails raising the forbidden topic and navigating the tension skillfully, which you may not pull off. Option B carries the risk of making him wonder if you're avoiding the topic altogether, which naturally suggests that you know his secret.

What do you do?

(PS: If any of you have ever considered rocking a toupee, I'd urge you to think twice about it. Even if you pay big money for a good one, the fact is that once you hit your 50s and your hair just isn't supposed to be that thick and colorful anymore, it's really hard to keep up the lie.)

[MrBroadway]

My vote's for complimenting him.

[elmer]

You have a daily meeting with him. Whenever you get a haircut, he says something about it. So, what do you do today?

A: Ask if he got a haircut, and briefly compliment him if he says yes.

B: Don't say a damn thing.

Haha ... one of my old bosses used to wear a rug ... it was absolutely obvious ... and the subject of many jokes!

IMHO, that's an easy one ... you're a boy ... and boy's generally don't notice other boy's day-to-day appearance. It's much better to ignore it and he can just write it off to general boys-don't-care.

Having him constantly noticing your hair is just another sign that hair is something that preoccupies his mind ... it'd be much too easy to say something wrong if you bring up the subject.

I started thinning on top pretty young, and after a couple of years of awful comb-overs, I finally came to my senses and just chopped it all off. I've never regretted that ... it's SO much easier to maintain. 

[SamIAm]

Haha ... one of my old bosses used to wear a rug ... it was absolutely obvious ... and the subject of many jokes!

Oh boy. This guy is going to be in one hell of an awkward position in about five years. He's 47 now, and when he was 40, I'm sure he was pulling it off. But now that the texture of his real hair on the sides is starting to shift, the toupee on top is becoming increasingly visible, and buying new toupees to match the transition at every stage would be hard to pull off even if he can afford it.

Not to mention, whenever it was he got the toupee, he really shouldn't have gone with the density and texture of a 13-year-old.

I do feel sorry for the guy. If he didn't have to be the face of the company, he might have embraced his fate more gracefully. He's not an a$$hole, either; I don't think people would joke about it even if they weren't scared of him.

IMHO, that's an easy one ... you're a boy ... and boy's generally don't notice other boy's day-to-day appearance. It's much better to ignore it and he can just write it off to general boys-don't-care.

Having him constantly noticing your hair is just another sign that hair is something that preoccupies his mind ... it'd be much too easy to say something wrong if you bring up the subject.

Indeed. I'll probably avoid it.

I started thinning on top pretty young, and after a couple of years of awful comb-overs, I finally came to my senses and just chopped it all off. I've never regretted that ... it's SO much easier to maintain. 

That is absolutely the way to go (and the way I may go soon if my forehead gets any bigger). I think people in the US have embraced a close crop for thinning hair much more than Japan and east Asia in general, and that's for the better IMO. It's a whole 'nother can of worms, but hair means a little more to people here, I think, and they hang on for waaaaay too long in many cases.

[Black Tiger]

The only way you can acknowledge his different looking hair in a friendly way is to simply tell him that his "hair looks nice". Without specifically mentioning a haircut.

But I imagine that there are various Japanese social aspects in this situation that I am unfamiliar with.

[Necromancer]

Snatch it off his head, beat it to death with a desk stapler, and explain that you thought it was a rabid raccoon attacking him.  He'll be grateful for your heroism and willingness to sacrifice yourself for him and the company, and he'll really appreciate the opening for a graceful exit from the dead end toupee path.

Just make sure your resume is in order first. 

[xelement5x]

Lol, I wouldn't say anything either. 

[seieienbu]

I'd say nothing.  Then again, I'm not one for compliments for no reason to begin with so I wouldn't just throw out a "Hey, nice haircut" just because my boss got it cut.

[Necromancer]

Compliments based on a person's looks are a no-no in the modern workplace.

That's what HR tells me every time I tell a girl she has nice tits anyway. 

[esteban]

Mum's.
The.
Word.

[mitsuman]

Snatch it off his head, run around the whole office waving it around and screaming "The tyrant is dead, let's all laugh at baldy!!"

Or do nothing.

[geise]

Tell him to suck it up, shave it all, and be cool like this guy.

[Opethian]

Original form:


final form as seen above

[wildfruit]

Get him a hair clipper in secret Santa.

[esteban]

Teach him some vocabulary words.

"Hirsute" comes to mind.

(For the record, I have honestly tried to work "hirsute" into conversation/writing for years...I don't think it has ever happened).