Need your honest answer and opinions.

[CPTRAVE]

Need your honest answer fellow members
Recently my daughter turned 15 and wanted to celebrate her Birthday at a restaurant with 10 of her friends which I did not mind. And I agreed to do this. Two days before the party my wife says “We are going to the restaurant at this time, to drop her off.”
I said “What do you mean drop her off” she said,” Yes, we are dropping her off, because she does not want us there, and if we show up, I will be hijacking her party and she will not be happy.”
I said “She is 15 and still a child she does not have the right to dictate if her parents are going to be there or not” my wife did not agree and still does not agree. I offered a compromise that we will stay at the restaurant but will sit at a separate table. Still not good enough for my wife…
On the day of the party I told my wife that we are going and staying there at the restaurant but at a separate table. My wife was not happy with this at all, and my daughter was not happy with the arrangement.  Before the party my sister calls me and says she is coming over to celebrate my daughter’s Birthday, and I said great because she is family. And it was very considerate of her because she lives at least 1hr30 min away and had to drive through Rush hour traffic.
Well this started another argument with my wife and said I should have asked her first and to call her and tell her not to come. I told my wife no, she is family and wants to be with us to celebrate our daughter’s birthday, and she is letting our son who is in college stay with her for $100 a month which includes everything. My wife insisted to call her and tell her not to come. I never did call my sister and welcomed her with open arms. Later after the party my wife tells me I hijacked her party and she did not have a good time, even though it seemed she was enjoying her party and continues to blame me for hijacking the party.
My question to everyone here:
Who is right in this scenario, my wife or me (The Dad) should I have given in, or did I do the right thing?

[NightWolve]

So old enough to be embarrassed by her parents... :/

Well, maybe a better compromise would've been to have a birthday party at home for family members some hours and then let her go to the restaurant afterwards to do her own thing with just friends if that was truly her wish.

[Medic_wheat]

I have to agree with the op.

Your daughter isn’t 18 yet or 17 or what ever the age is suppose to be.

So she doesn’t get to dictate to parents conditions (which will undermine your authority as a parent).

I am more surprised your spouse is not showing a united front on this.

For me it would be like this: you can be embarrassed all you want, however this is a matter of safety and my knowledge that you will be home safe after your party. So until you have your own car, a license, and of the legal age to make your own choices independent from your mother and I you do not dictate terms and conditions on the level of freedoms you are afforded.

[CPTRAVE]

So old enough to be embarrassed by her parents... :/

Well, maybe a better compromise would've been to have a birthday party at home for family members some hours and then let her go to the restaurant afterwards to do her own thing with just friends if that was truly her wish.

This was also put on the table, but I did not want to have my daughter dictate the terms and conditions. I believe children need to know that parents are in charge and parents make the final decision.
Thank you for your opinion.

[CPTRAVE]

I have to agree with the op.

Your daughter isn’t 18 yet or 17 or what ever the age is suppose to be.

So she doesn’t get to dictate to parents conditions (which will undermine your authority as a parent).

I am more surprised your spouse is not showing a united front on this.

For me it would be like this: you can be embarrassed all you want, however this is a matter of safety and my knowledge that you will be home safe after your party. So until you have your own car, a license, and of the legal age to make your own choices independent from your mother and I you do not dictate terms and conditions on the level of freedoms you are afforded.

My thoughts exactly, I was also surprised that my wife did not agree with me or provided a united front. What made it worse she told my daughter that I was sabotaging her birthday.

[SignOfZeta]

When I was 15 I did whatever I wanted and did an OK job of staying out of trouble with pretty much zero supervision. However this was a different time and in some ways my self-sufficiency came from circumstances I wouldn’t wish on anyone. If you really think she needs that kind of supervision then you’re probably right. It seems excessively protective to me but then nobody ever threw me a birthday party for 10 of my friends. Having ten friends around at a place where you don’t have to clean up...there is a lot of potential for the kind of dumb s hit that kids usually only get into when there is a number of them together. You being somewhere else in the same restaurant shouldn’t bother anyone.

I’m sure the mom remembers what it was like to be a 15 year old girl but probably not what it was to be a 15 year old boy...you do. I’d mention that to her, if you need to, in situations like this. You can only get away with that one once or twice probably so use it to light your darkest hour, so to speak.

[ParanoiaDragon]

Ultimately, you're in the right.  If you don't feel comfortable with her having that party without you guys, then that is up to you.  Even if you're wife was comfortable with the party, I would think she would still support your position.  You & your wife are a team.  That's something my wife & I are still working on 16 years into our marriage.  Making sure we communicate our feelings, & working together toward solutions.  While I might've allowed a child of mine(I don't have kids, we don't want any) have a party in those circumstances, it would seem to me, that erring on the side of caution is a better solution for compromise, rather than going with your wife's opinion.  I'm sure you don't want to be a helicopter parent, but, at the same time, you love your child & want to(rightfully so) protect her.  Infact, that's your duty as parents is to raise a child & make decisions on how a child is raised.  I'm not a believer in free range children personally, it just makes sense that you want to guide your child to a secure future in general.  Everything you say your child can, or cannot do, is something that they take in & can learn from.  Every experience we have in life, everything we taste, touch, smell, etc. trains & molds us into who we are as a person.  I would like for your daughter to appreciate that you're trying as a father, to protect her, & that you care about her safety.

In general, it sounds like you need a nice, calm, relaxed family meeting.  Try to make the atmosphere as relaxed as possible, don't give the feeling that you're pissed off or anything.  Don't raise your voice, even if the rest of the family does.  Normally, people who are shouting at someone who is calm, will eventually cool down.  Try to calmly explain your feelings with your family, & point out how important they are to you.  Emphasize to your wife, that you & her are a team.  There may be times when you'll go with your wife's opinion, but she of coarse needs to be willing to do the same.