TurboChip DUDS

[Emerald Rocker]

This topic is about your experiences playing TurboChip DUDS.  Obviously, Japanese games are excluded, because those are HuCARDs, not TurboChips.

Now, I could easily make a blanket statement like "ALL TURBOCHIPS ARE DUDS".  It would be easy to say, because every TurboChip I've ever played has been a dud.  However, I will not say that.  I will leave open the possibility that there are some good ones out there that I just haven't played.  However, this topic is not about the good ones, so please don't defend any TurboChips here.

TURBOCHIP DUDS:

1) Legendary Axe - First off, the music pretty much blows.  On top of that, the game lacks action (compare this to any of the NES Ninja Gaiden games), the graphics are tile-based nonsense, and the "secret areas" that the instruction manual touts is really just "that one part in level 3 where you have to find a key".  Bad game with cheap bosses (like the Punjabbi)

2) Silent Debuggers - Leon looks pretty cool, but this game is otherwise unremarkable.  The music pretty much blows.  Some people call this the precursor to survival horror, but that can't be true -- otherwise, the genre would have died at birth.

3) Air Zonk - This is basically like taking the shooter segments of Mega Man 3 and stretching it out into an entire game.  A boring, sloppy game with music that pretty much blows.

[vestcoat]

Now, I could easily make a blanket statement like "ALL TURBOCHIPS ARE DUDS".  It would be easy to say, because every TurboChip I've ever played has been a dud. 

Ouch!  That's a pretty strong statement even if you're a PC Engine purist.  Where do you think those 3 games came from before they were released as Turbochips?
Interesting comments though.  The general consensus around here already has a rough list of lame turbochips (with their supporters!) and it's nice to see the more popular games catch some crap.  I think this thread might be better called "Overrated Turbochips", but whatever.
Biting my tongue on LA and AZ, I'll way in with a few of my own:

Neutopia 2: Not a bad game, but by no means the RPG people make it out to be.  This game came out at the beginning of the cutesy, tutorial, hold-your-hand era of RPGs.  Didn't Hudson realize that everyone in the world had already played Zelda?  "Yes, I already know that I should try pushing rocks.  Thank you very much, helpful townsperson".  "What's that?  Try BOMBING WALLS in the Labyrinths?  OH, Great idea!"  *Ughh*    Too linear and lighthearted for my taste.

Bonk 3:  No concrete improvement over it's predecessors.  Could have done more with an 8-meg game.

Shockman:  Shooting levels suck.  A 2nd player just gets in the way on two-player mode.

[Odonadon]

Silent Debuggers and Air Zonk are a couple of my fav games.  For "duds", I'd have to say:

Boxyboy
Drop Rock
Gunboat

But that all depends how you define "dud".  I guess I could say the "music pretty much blows" for these three

OD

[Tatsujin]

pc denjin aka airzonk is just great!! what's wrong with it, man? and the BGM kicks ass. especially stage 2 and in the stadium. something of the best you can find on hucards imo.

legendary axe is also great stuff regarded to its age. and same for here, some great bgms around.

[vestcoat]

However, this topic is not about the good ones, so please don't defend any TurboChips here.

pc denjin aka airzonk is just great!! what's wrong with it, man? and the BGM kicks ass. especially stage 2 and in the stadium. something of the best you can find on hucards imo.
legendary axe is also great stuff regarded to its age. and same for here, some great bgms around.

*sigh*

The FIRST rule of TurboChip DUDS is you don't defend turbochips....

The SECOND rule of Turbochips DUDS is you don't defend Turbochips.

The Third rule is, if it's your first post, you HAVE to bitch about a game.


 

[Tatsujin]

sorry about that, but couldn't handle my young horses anymore, after reading that :oops:

[Black Tiger]

Do all the Turbografx-16 games after the initial orange cases releases count? They're only labeled "HuCard".

Falcon
Gunboat
Ballistix
Turrican
Talespin
Darkwing Duck

There was a time when I couldn't appreciate Legendary Axe. But now I love the graphics sound and gameplay. The NES Ninja Gaiden games always seemed more like a slow moving video game of "tag" than action to me. At least 'real' tag doesn't have as many cheap hits into instant death pits from rapid spawning offscreen enemies.

I wish that Neutopia II gave more tips and was more linear. I got stuck near the end because I couldn't find one item and was forced to quit the rental.

Bonk 3 isn't as good as Revenge but it's still a good game.

I've never gotten into Shockman, but I am one of the two people in the world who thinks that part 3 isn't so hot.

I guess that Slasher Quan isn't the only one in the world who doesn't appreciate Air Zonk's great music.


Even though there were way too many great PC Engine HuCards that should've been released here in general or in place of many that did make it, I'm still surprised at how nearly all "Turbochips/U.S. HuCards" are good to great.

[Emerald Rocker]

Good posts, good posts.  I'm not a PC Engine purist... I just wanted to limit the selection of games to what people are most familiar with.

MORE DUDS:

4) Military Madness - The simplicity seems appealing at first, but the gameplay basically boils down to a fancier version of "rock, paper, scissors".  The problem is that what was fancy ten years ago isn't very fancy today and, without any depth at all, there's nothing to save this chip from being a DUD.  The music pretty much blows.

5) Keith Courage - For years, I listened to my friend Mats talk about this game called "Keith Courage in the Christian Zones", where you played as an old dude with a staff (presumably Jesus) who would summon the holy rainbow and transform into a satan-fighting robot.  I was very disappointed when I learned the truth -- that Keith Courage is a dull, repetitive game without an ounce of personality.  The music pretty much blows.

[Keranu]

Turbo Chips are awesome - recognize.

As far as duds go, Black_Tiger did a really good job summing up my choice for duds, though I would exlcude Turricane and Tale Spin from his list because I found those games to be pretty playable and a little enjoyable. A couple more duds I would include are Pipe Dream and Drop Rock.

[Necromancer]

Gonna vote for Davis Cup Tennis.  Crappy controls + overly skilled computer opponents = DUD.  At least the graphics were decent, but watch the demo mode for a while.  I don't think I've ever seen matches last that long in the real world.

[GUTS]

5) Keith Courage - For years, I listened to my friend Mats talk about this game called "Keith Courage in the Christian Zones", where you played as an old dude with a staff (presumably Jesus) who would summon the holy rainbow and transform into a satan-fighting robot.  I was very disappointed when I learned the truth -- that Keith Courage is a dull, repetitive game without an ounce of personality.  The music pretty much blows.

God damn that sounds like a sweet game, someone should hack Keith Courage and change it to that.

[esteban]

TURBOCHIP DUDS:

1) Ys I & II* - Only Falcom fanboys can stand the stench of this game. The game has a preposterous battle system (indeed, we've heard this complaint ad nauseum since it was released), but the lack of blood during battles is an even greater calamity. Honestly, what was Falcom thinking? Where is the gore? The mighty thrust of the sword? The spewing of blood? Without a visual representation of the carnage Adol is inflicting upon his opponents, playing Ys I & II is an unfulfilling chore devoid of visceral thrill. If a Falcom fanboy claims otherwise, tell him he is full of Chip. Don't even get me started on the music (or, more precisely, "muzak")...

2) Soldier Blade - The bastard child of the Star Soldier series, and Hudson knew it. They were wise enough to disassociate this steaming pile of Chip from the series proper by eschewing "Star" from the title, but even this didn't prevent some folks from buying it. With a generic weapon system that we've seen in every (pea)shooter since Scramble, Soldier Blade's action is as riveting as a shotput competition.

3) Devil's Crush - Take all of the innovative elements of Crüe Ball, strip them away, and you're left with Devil's Crush. What a piece of Chip. Neither pentragrams nor the Green Reptile Devil himself can mask the deficiencies in this game. End of story.  

4) Valis III* - Some call this the poor man's Castlevania. They are too kind. Let's be honest... Valis III is to TG-CD as Earnest Evans is to Sega CD: dog crap with a pedigree. Or wolf crap, as it were. Both titles promised to be so much more. Oh well.

*These games were never worthy of the CD-ROM medium and, as such, are the ultimate TurboChip DUDs. Releasing them as TurboChips would have been bad enough; needlessly releasing them as CD-ROMs was a travesty.

[nat]

  Genius.

[Joe Redifer]

Space Harrier - What the hell is up with this piece of crap?!  The game never allows you to go into space at any portion of the game nor does it let you fly a harrier jet.  The game is for those who enjoy fingering their cat's anus.  Horrible and not tolerable!

Bonk's Adventure - What the hell is up with this piece of crap?  I play as a freakin' retard and this is supposed to be fun?  The gameplay completely sucks and requires me to press a button every time the little retard needs to jump. He just never learns.  This game does not use all 512 colors.  After I was done playing this game, I took the TuboChip, wiped my hairy ass with it and flushed it down with the other turds I had already deposited in the jam-packed toilet.

Neutopia 1 and 2 - What the hell is up with these pieces of crap?  They can't even scroll properly.  I have to walk all the way to the edge of the screen before the game decides "Oh!  I guess now would be a good time to scroll!" and then it only scrolls a little bit and I have to walk to the edge of that screen to get it to scroll again.  Obviously these games were programmed by a person with some kind of developmental disorder.  Why they decided to make a part 2 is beyond me, as the first one is about as fun as ripping off your penis and shoving it into your eye socket repeatedly.

Gate of Thunder - What the hell is up with this piece of crap?  This game doesn't have blast processing and therefore it is not fun at all.  The graphics are good... if you think vomit looks appealing.  You fly a spaceship against an incredibly weak alien army.  A real alien army wouldn't let one wimpy ass ship with a homosexual pilot defeat them, that's for sure.  I think I'll convert one of the rooms in my house so that the floor is a giant cheese grater, and then I'll go roll around naked and rub my body all over it.  It'll be more fun than this giant hunk of poo.

Side Arms - What the hell is up with this piece of crap?  This was a great HuCard in Japan for the PC Engine, but then it was ported over to the far inferior TurboGrafx-16 system (bleh) as a wimpy TurboChip.  Now it's obvious that many sacrifices had to be made during the transition from HuCard to TurboChip, but I didn't know that everything would have to be sacrificed!  Yes, this game is about as fun as going to Home Depot, finding their massive sandpaper isle, taking the heaviest grit paper you can find, dropping your pants right there and rubbing it back and forth across your scrotum with all of your strength until the police show up.

[guyjin]

you're all going to hell.