On a scale from 1-10, how hard did Transformers suck?

[Black Tiger]

SPOILERZ!!!!!!




I totally wasn't planning on it, but I saw the movie tonight.

For a long time, I thought the bashers here had been too touchy because its a remake. I thought that I'd score it maybe a 3 on the suck meter. That was up until the Autobots finally landed...

Wow, its hard to believe how a movie could strive to cater to toddlers one scene, then be sexually graphic the next before killing lots and lots of people after that. And for a low brow slam bang action fest wanna be, things dragged on for so long.

It was so literally 'Two Grooms' that it was scary. The audience loved it. The poo poo jokes scored almost as well as the trailer for the Mr Bean sequel that preceded the movie.

If you're a fan of bad event movies, you'll probably love it. I couldn't believe how so many scenes were so identical to Team America, with the exact same music. Even though Team America was paroding Michael Bay 'extravaganzas' from years before even that movie was made.

It was great how they shamelessly updated Jazz's racist stereotype and made the lone 'black' Autobot the only one who died.

If perfect special effects and the occasional action-like scene justify a movie for you and can counteract pretty much anything... then don't worry, you'll have a good time.

I have to congradulate Stephen Spielberg for raising the product placement bar. I can't remember a movie with such forced product placement since Superman and General Zod played baseball with Marlboro trucks.

One last thing I wanted to mention... there was a super clean censored trailer for Super Bad with the url for the film's website where adults can watch the R rated version. But right before the Coming Attractions there was a very gratuitus beer ad.

[ParanoiaDragon]

Yeah, the potty jokes were uneccesary.  But the one that killed it the most(but everyone except my group, laughed at) was the masterbation one.  I was thinking of all the little kids surrounding me, not to mention, I just thought it was disgusting, whether there were kids there or not.  And yeah, I ultimately didn't really like Jazz, never thought about him being the black guy that dies though.  Then again, that is, IF he's dead.  I mean, this is Transformers, they can do whatever they want.  Even with super heroes, they can seemingly kill someone off, & then resurect them.  Quite frankly, I don't look at any of them being dead, but, that doesn't mean they'll all show up in the next movie.  If I wanted to, I could really nitpick this movie to death, but, I don't care to.  No movie is perfect, & as a big TF fan, I went in there, knowing that, it's not going to be my beloved G1 or Beast Wars.  I just take it for being a new universe, & hope the next one will be better.

[Black Tiger]

I wouldn't have thought that Jazz was dead for sure if OP hadn't carried is guts around in his arms at the end and made a point of telling everyone that he had definitely died a gory death.

Why didn't Scorpinok take a polaroid of a plane in the Middle East and fly off to fight with his buddies when they were summoned?

Why didn't Bumblebee just regenerated a pair of legs with the allspark like 'Rumble' did?

How could they freeze Bumblebee with a CO2 looking gas without the nerd-brat shattering to pieces when he jumped in the ay?

Why was OP opening his chest all the time saying 'give it to me!', but it just melts right through Megatron's body?

Why do I care? 

[Kitsunexus]

SPOILERZ!!!!!!




I totally wasn't planning on it, but I saw the movie tonight.

For a long time, I thought the bashers here had been too touchy because its a remake. I thought that I'd score it maybe a 3 on the suck meter. That was up until the Autobots finally landed...

Wow, its hard to believe how a movie could strive to cater to toddlers one scene, then be sexually graphic the next before killing lots and lots of people after that. And for a low brow slam bang action fest wanna be, things dragged on for so long.

It was so literally 'Two Grooms' that it was scary. The audience loved it. The poo poo jokes scored almost as well as the trailer for the Mr Bean sequel that preceded the movie.

If you're a fan of bad event movies, you'll probably love it. I couldn't believe how so many scenes were so identical to Team America, with the exact same music. Even though Team America was paroding Michael Bay 'extravaganzas' from years before even that movie was made.

It was great how they shamelessly updated Jazz's racist stereotype and made the lone 'black' Autobot the only one who died.

If perfect special effects and the occasional action-like scene justify a movie for you and can counteract pretty much anything... then don't worry, you'll have a good time.

I have to congradulate Stephen Spielberg for raising the product placement bar. I can't remember a movie with such forced product placement since Superman and General Zod played baseball with Marlboro trucks.

One last thing I wanted to mention... there was a super clean censored trailer for Super Bad with the url for the film's website where adults can watch the R rated version. But right before the Coming Attractions there was a very gratuitus beer ad.

Thank you for putting exactly what I felt into words. ^_^

[esteban]

I saw this movie, finally.

It was a titanic piece of shit... and I usually substitute an asterisk in "sh*t" to avoid being vulgar.

This movie was a titanic piece of shit.

I don't see how anyone who liked 80's cartoon / toyline could stomach a minute of this titanic-piece-of-shit-movie.

T.P.O.S.

[Black Tiger]

This came up when I was telling a coworker about the Transformers' only weaknesses being hot & cold.

Wouldn't they get frozen by outerspace while hurtling as meteors? And even if they could somehow magically set a course through space that missed all planets in between so they could float unconscious... wouldn't they burn up upon entering our atmosphere?

I would've let the masterbation jokes slide if they'd built up to a great film afterward. The worst part for me was the climax of the cartoonish secret agent getting pissed on by Bumblebee/Ratchet. I can't believe that it got by without an R-rating.

[Bonknuts]

I'm not sure what you guys were expecting. It was a "Michael Bay" movie after all. All he knows how to do is action scenes. The movie is *filled* with Michael Bay-isms.

 I was expecting the movie to *totally* suck ass, so when I saw it - it wasn't as bad. But yeah...

[spoiler? ...not really]

 Also, the end part were the Even Stevens dipshit took the cube and played "football" to save the world really pissed me off. The only thing missing was the flashback were he failed the football tryouts.



pffffft

[Kitsunexus]

I loved that one line though, where he says football is linked to brain damage, and he was writing a little book with coloring areas...great shit.

The movie is JUST shit however.

[Black Tiger]

I'm not sure what you guys were expecting. It was a "Michael Bay" movie after all. All he knows how to do is action scenes. The movie is *filled* with Michael Bay-isms.

 I was expecting the movie to *totally* suck ass, so when I saw it - it wasn't as bad. But yeah...

[spoiler? ...not really]

 Also, the end part were the Even Stevens dipshit took the cube and played "football" to save the world really pissed me off. The only thing missing was the flashback were he failed the football tryouts.

You mean like how Sam was so shocked to findout that his girlfriend-to-be had a criminal record... until she just happened to get the chance to use her car jacking skills to save the entire universe? 

[Turbo D]

My neighbor has seen it multiple times. When I told him you guys said it sucked, he got all butt hurt, haha.

[ParanoiaDragon]

Well, saw it my 3rd & last time today.  It still seems ok, nothing spectacular.  There are some parts that give me goosebumps, I think it's mainly hearing Peter Cullen back in his role as Prime.  Shia I actually like, he's decent.  There's plenty of cheese in the movie, but, oh well.  I still don't know, if the movie was done my way, if it would've hit the general mass as it is.  So, in general, I'm ok with the movie.  Though, I think I'd rather see a different director for the next ones quite frankly. 

[Michael Helgeson]

Id rather they delete the whole damn movie from whatever master storage method they have for it,destroy all copies produced,issue a apology note to the mass of true fans,air it on the news on the major networks,then make a new movie based on the 80ies story.

This will never happen, because since Godzilla,American made remakes and retcons have totally sucked except Dawn of the Dead. Its a American tradition like the 6000SUX. So basically we have to deal with it. I think the movie itself was ok,as I said before,there was some neat parts,but the movie is not at all aimed in any way at pleasing the 80ies generation that got the shit on the map to begin with. Its for the new kids,the ones who masterbate and get stuck with methhead looking juvie record gfs.

[esteban]

I think the movie itself was ok,as I said before,there was some neat parts,but the movie is not at all aimed in any way at pleasing the 80ies generation that got the shit on the map to begin with.

Indeed, they didn't even attempt to make the kick-ass movie they could have, given the source material. It's not like the source material was lame! In fact, they could have simply rehashed the plot lines from 1 or 2 episodes of the cartoon and had a much, much better movie.

I hate to say it, but those god-awful live-action "Scoobie Doo" movies succeeded in ways that Transformers should have been able to pull off. I watched Scoobie Doo on an airplane (horrible!) years ago, but at least it captured (a bit of) the spirit and formula of the original cartoon.

At this point, I'd be stoked to watch a halfway decent live-action GOBOTS movie! I am not kidding.

It is a sad day when the GOBOTS have potential to stomp the sh*t out of the Transformers.

[Black Tiger]

Well, saw it my 3rd & last time today.  It still seems ok, nothing spectacular.  There are some parts that give me goosebumps, I think it's mainly hearing Peter Cullen back in his role as Prime.  Shia I actually like, he's decent.  There's plenty of cheese in the movie, but, oh well.  I still don't know, if the movie was done my way, if it would've hit the general mass as it is.  So, in general, I'm ok with the movie.  Though, I think I'd rather see a different director for the next ones quite frankly. 

I cringed at hearing Optimus Prime talk about "eBay!". 

[Michael Helgeson]

Well,if they decide to toss a disabled kid in there like Chip Chase again,I guess it will be believable this time if he controls a Autobot via the internet since there is so much focus on the internet in the movie. Maybe Chip can get a awesome ride like Cory had in Silver Bullet,but one that transforms into another ugly awkward looking robot thats afraid of some cool air.

I really hated Chip Chase....