Haha, no way, BT is a great guy. I wouldn't have opened the offer to forum members if I couldn't personally vouch for his integrity.
Besides, the amount of grime on my card and that CD far exceeded what could possibly be picked up by a simple test. It looked like it had been "tested" no less than 72 times while simultaneously weathering a stampede.
In the end though, all is well that ends well. I got the drivers installed, the cart cleaned up nicely (actually looks brand new after a 409 bath), and it works great. Despite all my complaining, the cart itself really is a great product. Those Neo guys could afford to take a course in presentation, however.