F*cking with Linksys!

[ceti alpha]

I have a Dlink network: router, wireless repeater, and xbox wireless receiver. I only use it for xbmc. Wireless can be a pain in the ass, but I've finally got it working flawlessly. 

[FM-77]

I did it again. This is long, but I had a lot of fun! Read it or weep!

Gloryvel A. (29835): Hi, my name is Gloryvel A. (29835). How may I help you?
Mike: Hey glorvyjel
Mike: I have problems with the mr. router
Mike: Hey gjoryel?
Mike: Are you still there?
Gloryvel A. (29835): I am here. Please proceed with your concerns.
Mike: Coolance
Mike: the mr. router is not wanting to work
Mike: It says it will not connect
Gloryvel A. (29835): Your router is WRT54GX2, right?
Mike: Well it is connected already so i don't know what the dellios is
Mike: Totally!
Mike: GX2 is the ultra model right?
Mike: I mean gx and gs sucks in comparasion or what?
Mike: Kinda like the Geforce GS which blows whereas the GX2 is totally the best model of all
Mike: It isn't even out yet it's just that good!
Gloryvel A. (29835): Are you now wired to the router while chatting with me or directly wired to modem?
Mike: Naw I am using another router made by some other hobo company
Mike: I want Linksys only!
Mike: This one is going in the trash when I can get this one running
Mike: So you'll help, right?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Okay. Do you have another computer that we can connect to the router so we can configure it first before we reconnect it to your modem?
Mike: Yes
Mike: I have a 386GX
Mike: Good enough?
Gloryvel A. (29835): What is the Operating System of the computer?
Mike: Wait! SX!!!!
Mike: Windows
Gloryvel A. (29835): What windows version?
Mike: 3.11
Mike: But I have another computer too it's got XP!
Mike: Do I use it instead?
Gloryvel A. (29835): yes please.
Mike: But why?
Mike: It's in the lcoset
Mike: Cats live there
Mike: I don't want to disturb them
Mike: But if I have to I'll do it
Mike: But they'll claw me for sure!
Gloryvel A. (29835): Please connect Windows XP computer to the router's port 1 and power them on. No Internet needed.
Mike: All right my friend can do it
Mike: He can take it I think
Mike: He has a dog to send there
Mike: But regardles this is not about animals!!
Mike: Wait! Can I use a laptop instead
Mike: I have the laptop
Mike: I don't need to send for help in order to get past those cats
Mike: So I can just use the laptop but its got that crap
Mike: Vista Home PRemium or whatever
Mike: It came with it and I wanted XP but they said Vista or GTFO so I got Vista
Gloryvel A. (29835): Yes. would you like to have the complete steps instead so you can do it correctly without me when you're ready?
Mike: But then I said Vista sux and never used the laptop it just sits there because it's so slow and I can't navigate through Vista so it is really unusalbe
Mike: Why ?
Gloryvel A. (29835): What do you mean why, Mike? I am asking you if you would like to have the complete steps instead of running back and forth to the computer wired to the router.
Mike: But I don't need to run back and fortth I am using the laptop now
Gloryvel A. (29835): Make sure you are not connecting the same computer you are using to chat with me. We need another computer for the Linksys router to be configured.
Mike: Cool but I can just use the my main the computer
Mike: It is on the desk
Mike: It has XP!!!!
Mike: Service PACK 3 downloaded from THe Pirate Bay
Mike: But it is not the real SP3, some moron made a fake sp3 but at least it has some cool featurees
Gloryvel A. (29835): Okay. Connect it to port 1 and power them on. Make sure no Internet connected to them.
Mike: Port on the computer or
Mike: Hey grolvel are you here?
Mike: Port on the computer or
Gloryvel A. (29835): Is there a number on the ports of your computer, Mike?
Mike: Totally!
Mike: It's the neo2 dual lan card of doom!!!
Mike: The top model too
Mike: With sli
Mike: And 4 gb ram
Mike: Actually only 1 gb works
Gloryvel A. (29835): Use the same port on the computer. Just the other end to the router's port 1.
Mike: Or am I?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Are you with me?
Mike: Butthere are two ports
Mike: And like
Mike: I have some nics on the comp too
Mike: I had some extras lying around so I just figured whuy not connec tthem too
Mike: So I have five nics too
Mike: So that makes seven lan ports total, on the comp
Mike: Which one do I use?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Mike, please do not be confused on your main computers port becauese we do not need to switch port if it is already wired to a modem or a network, just plug in the other end to router's port 1, okay?
Mike: I mean I had five pci ports and I didn't use them and I had a box of old nics so I just connected as many as I could
Mike: But it is not connected to anything I removed the cord since the router stopped working
Mike: I don't remember where it used to be connected so where do I connect the router now? Port 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Mike, please look for a computer that has only one Ethernet port so not to confuse you.
Mike: But that computer is with the cats
Gloryvel A. (29835): We can only concentrate on the router but not your computer settings.
Mike: Okay but what if I connect ALL the router ports to the computer?
Mike: I mean like a dual or triple connection?
Mike: Wouldn't that give me 3X the speed of internet?
Mike: And maybe I would have three times the chance of getting this bad boy to run?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Please don't. Please follow my instructions. We cannot configure your router correctly if you wont follow.
Mike: All right all right
Mike: Instruct away!
Gloryvel A. (29835): Let me know when you have a computer wired to router.
Mike: All right dood
Mike: I'll connect the router to my computer
Mike: Although
Mike: Why do I need to use port 1 on the router?
Mike: It's a little screwy
Mike: It's like, it's not possible to use
Mike: I mean it's like a manufacturing error or whatever
Mike: You have to push the cable really hard in there
Mike: And then it's like really hard to get it out
Mike: I thought about just taking a scissors and cut off the cable when I disconnected it
Gloryvel A. (29835): Mike, kindly get the exact SN of the router?
Mike: But I thought nah that would be stupid
Mike: What is that?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Serial number. You can get that underneath the router with one of the stickers.
Mike: Uh
Mike: How do I know which one?
Mike: How many digits do I look for?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Just give me what you see as SN.
Gloryvel A. (29835): All devices has SN.
Mike: Awesome
Gloryvel A. (29835): Do you have it?
Mike: Is this right?
Mike: WRT54GX2V2
Gloryvel A. (29835): That's the model. Please get SN.
Mike: I think I found it
Mike: KKJ00FC11437 ?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Good.
Mike: So what's that for anyway?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Connect one of your Mac computer to any of the   router's numbered port and power them on.
Mike: Mac computer?
Mike: What if the computer is already on?
Mike: can I connect it anyway?
Mike: Or will I blow things up?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Yes you may.
Mike: That's pretty interesting
Mike: What will happen?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Just do per instruction and let me know when done.
Mike: Okay dood
Mike: Okay mister! I got it connected!
Mike: WITH the computer on
Mike: It worked
Mike: I was so scared
Mike: I thought I would get electrivuted!!!
Gloryvel A. (29835): May I know what lights are lit on the router?
Mike: None
Gloryvel A. (29835): Make sure Ethernet cable is plug in correctly. And make sure router is powered on.
Mike: Should I turn on the router?
Mike: I thought it would be dangerous
Mike: So I kept it off
Mike: But I can press the button
Mike: Just let me connect the power first
Mike: Okay glorvel
Mike: I got the power connected
Mike: Now do I press the buitton?
Gloryvel A. (29835): What button? Please do only as I say and answer only my questions so you will not be confused.
Mike: On the router of course
Mike: You said turn it on so I thought
Mike: Maybe I should turn it on?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Yes. I already told you that many times.
Mike: I forgot to read
Mike: But now I will do it
Mike: Okay I pressed the button it's right here on the desk
Mike: Um
Gloryvel A. (29835): What lights are lit on the router?
Mike: Is it supposed to give off this high pitched sound?
Mike: WHOA!!!
Mike: SMOKE
Mike: It's like
Mike: POOF
Mike: And smoke came out!
Mike: And the lights went off
Mike: What do I do now?
Gloryvel A. (29835): I believe your router is defective. When did you purchase it?
Mike: Why did this happen?
Mike: A few months ago
Mike: Wow thjis smells really bad
Gloryvel A. (29835): Do you still have the receipt? You can turn them off.
Mike: I pulled out the power cord!!
Mike: Will it burn?
Mike: I'm afraid now
Mike: I was right when I thought you cant connect when the computer is turned on
Mike: I have the receipt
Gloryvel A. (29835): We can connect it with computer powered on, Mike.
Mike: But it exploded!
Gloryvel A. (29835): Where did you purchase the product?
Mike:  I bought it from a website on the uinternet called  Amazon
Mike: They have electronics
Mike: And everythign!
Gloryvel A. (29835): Okay. Please give me five minutes to process an RMA. After five minutes, a transcript of this session will be sent to your e-mail account , along with that is the Reference number. Once you have the reference number, please go to this website; https://ssl.linksys.com/rma1.asp, and fill out the Warranty Return Form. Your reference number  is the value that you need to input on the Case ID field on the Warranty Return Form.
Gloryvel A. (29835): If you will not receive an e-mail after five minutes, please log-in again to this chat session and register the same email address and ask the next agent the reference number of this session.
Gloryvel A. (29835): Do you have any questions before I let you go?
Mike: Wait!!
Mike: What do I do with this?
Mike: Can I throw it out? It is still smoking and I can't breathe
Mike: It smells really bad
Mike: I am allergic to smoke
Mike: I a mgoing to have to go outside soon
Mike: I cannot stay in when it smells like this
Mike: My throuat will swell up
Gloryvel A. (29835): Did you read my statements above? Your device is defective that is why I asked for your receipt so you can ask replacement for that. Please read what I said above.
Mike: Yes yes
Mike: But do I throw the router out?
Gloryvel A. (29835): If you throw it then you may not process replacement.
Mike: That kinda sucks
Mike: How do I get it to stop smoking thenm?
Mike: I cant keep it when it smokes
Gloryvel A. (29835): I don't think I can help you with that. Just make sure you will have the receipt and the device when you process RMA. For more concerns, you can contact RMA department  at 1-800-546-5797(LINKSYS) and follow the voice prompt.
Mike: How many dollars does it cost?
Gloryvel A. (29835): Please ask RMA for that since they can give you correct answers.
Mike: But how will I know if you don't say it
Mike: Maybe I call them
Mike: And I ask how many dollars?
Mike: Then they say: hold on please, listen to this music
Mike: And I say: no please talk!
Mike: And they say: music in the background
Mike: And I wait
Mike: And then, after fifty minutes they come on
Mike: And I ask: how many dollars?
Mike: They say: two dollars per minute please.
Mike: And I say: that's expensive! I can't believe it!
Mike: And then I could have bought a brand new router instead
Mike: A better model! A smoke-free model!
Gloryvel A. (29835): You can do anything as you please.
Mike: But what do you mean
Mike: Don't I have any options?
Mike: Well
Mike: I will call them but I will ask them for the price immediately
Mike: If they say no I will hang up
Mike: And then
Mike: I'll be back!
Mike: Here
Mike: With you
Mike: By the way
Mike: Am I the only one using this?
Mike: I think it is a brand new service
Mike: So I must be the only one using it. I am right. Am I not?
Mike: Well
Mike: I guess you left now , I guess I am on my own
Mike: With a smoking router and nothing to do
Mike: I will throw this out now, and then I'm going to bed
Mike: See you later Gjorvlyjel! It was nice talking to you
Mike: BOOOOM!!!!

[Kitsunexus]

OMFGOLDFISH! I can't breathe that's so funny! A WINNAR IS YOU.

[Joe Redifer]

I think you've worn out the "OMGOLDFISH" phrase already.  Though it was never really any good.  Try harder.

[Kitsunexus]

I think you've worn out the "OMGOLDFISH" phrase already.  Though it was never really any good.  Try harder.

No that's my subword. STFU.

[Joe Redifer]

No, you STFU!

[Kitsunexus]

[Joe Redifer]

Well... OK.

[Turbo D]

lol @ fm f*cking w/ linksys 

[SNKNostalgia]

I say if we f*ck with them enough. It will render them useless with their service. Speak American bitches or die!!!! What a great revolution. Make these cheap ass corps realize that the joke is the fact that they are a joke themselves.

[Joe Redifer]

Online tech support for Linksys routers that don't work...  I can't wait until some ISP comes out with online tech support like this.

Customer:  Hi, my internet is down.

ISP:  What seems to be the problem?

Customer:  I can't get online at all.

ISP: Have you tried unplugging everything in your entire house for 10 seconds, and then plugging them back in?

Customer:  No, I accidentally left everything unplugged for only 8 seconds.  f*ck!

ISP:  We will need to leave everything unplugged for the full 10 seconds.

Customer:  I understand this highly logical troubleshooting action.  I will do so.

ISP: Great!

Customer:  OK, everything's unplugged.

ISP:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

ISP:  Alright, 10 seconds, go ahead and plug everything back in now.

Customer:  Sounds like an awesome plan.  I will go do that!

Customer:  OK everything's plugged back in now.

ISP:  Does your internet work now?

Customer:  Yes!!!!!!!

ISP:  Good to hear, glad I could be of service.

Customer:  Actually, you were quite useless.

ISP:  Pardon?

Customer:  Actually, my internet was never broken.

ISP:  Then why were you talking to me?

Customer:  Think about it.  How could I talk to you online like this if my internet was down?

ISP: ...

ISP: .......

ISP:  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kitsunexus]

Online tech support for Linksys routers that don't work...  I can't wait until some ISP comes out with online tech support like this.

Customer:  Hi, my internet is down.

ISP:  What seems to be the problem?

Customer:  I can't get online at all.

ISP: Have you tried unplugging everything in your entire house for 10 seconds, and then plugging them back in?

Customer:  No, I accidentally left everything unplugged for only 8 seconds.  f*ck!

ISP:  We will need to leave everything unplugged for the full 10 seconds.

Customer:  I understand this highly logical troubleshooting action.  I will do so.

ISP: Great!

Customer:  OK, everything's unplugged.

ISP:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

ISP:  Alright, 10 seconds, go ahead and plug everything back in now.

Customer:  Sounds like an awesome plan.  I will go do that!

Customer:  OK everything's plugged back in now.

ISP:  Does your internet work now?

Customer:  Yes!!!!!!!

ISP:  Good to hear, glad I could be of service.

Customer:  Actually, you were quite useless.

ISP:  Pardon?

Customer:  Actually, my internet was never broken.

ISP:  Then why were you talking to me?

Customer:  Think about it.  How could I talk to you online like this if my internet was down?

ISP: ...

ISP: .......

ISP:  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  XD! BEST THING I'VE READ ALL DAY!