Golden Axe- I knew this was a steaming pile going into it, but figured it couldn't be THAT bad. I was grossly mistaken...this is one of the worst games on the PCE EVER. What a spit on the faces of both the PCE and the Golden Axe name.
Deep Blue- As with Golden Axe, I went into this knowing it was trash. But it was trash above and beyond my expectations...how this was ever released is beyond me. It's BORING, and the music SUCKS. The graphics are okay...if you don't mind what is essentially level-less play with absolutely no real background! The sprites themselves are pretty decent though, which is a very small saving grace for what is otherwise a complete stinker.
The Legendary Axe- I never got to play this in my youth, so naturally I was psyched to be able to play this "game of the year". What a serious disappointment it was...terrible control scheme, terrible collision detection, terribly unbalanced design, and very subpar music despite coming from a company with "Victor Musical" in their name. The "sequel" (which we all know isn't a true sequel) did just about everything right that this game got wrong...just about.
Shadow Of The Beast- My first exposure to this game was on the Lynx. The game absolutely rocks there, but here it's pretty damn pathetic. Yes, the music is phenomenal, but it takes more than a kickass soundtrack to convince me that a game is worth its salt. The movies didn't impress me whatsoever either. The gameplay is just too clunky to really enjoy. It could have been a contender.
Prince Of Persia- Never played this before I played it here. After all the hype for the game back in the day, I expected this to be the killer app. Wow, was I mistaken. The game controls like a crusty old man begging for Geritol and it looks like the last thing that came out of said old man's ass.
Crest Of Wolf/Riot Zone- I always loved Final Fight, and the thought of having a similar game on the PCE was just awesome. It's too bad the game falls way too short. I don't mind only having two playable characters, but the game is way too easy, there's not enough moves and items (no weapons? boring!), and only having three types of enemies in any given area is just lame (you can recolor them all you want, they all fight the same regardless of their color). Huge disappointment, but I still play it for a llama laugh every once in awhile. The music saves it from being a complete stinker.
Valis III- Another one hyped up in the past, so I was pretty psyched to try it. After dying three times in the first two minutes of playing due to forced cheap hits, I decided that this game was a huge pile of STINK. And it is. All the cutscenes in the world can't convince me otherwise. I'll keep my copy of the disk only for the boobs on the cover, but I'll never play it again.
Valis II- Played this one not long after Valis III. I figured maybe they just messed something up in the sequel...wow, was I mistaken...I think the company itself must be the one that is messed up. Valis II has got to be one of the most boring "action" games I've ever seen. Maybe it gets better if you get past the first area or something...but I just couldn't bring myself to play through this borefest long enough to find out. Snore, this one stinks.
Super Air Zonk- After the sheer brilliance that was Air Zonk, I expected the SCD sequel to be twice as good. Instead, it's a mediocre snorefest that I blazed through half-asleep. Easy as pie and totally uninspired.
Strip Fighter II- Semi-nude women beating each other up, using moves that expose themselves completely. What's not to love? Well, for starters, how about one of the worst controls schemes in history? This game plays like stink on a monkey's ass. Sure it looks good, especially the cutscenes (gotta love 16 color censored porno!), but I've played better fighting games on the Commodore 64.
