Well, one night I was also tired and confused and I thought a police officer walking down the street was John Leguizamo, so I started beating him up. I beat him within an inch of his life before I realized he was not John Leguizamo. I apologized and told him that I thought he was John Leguizamo, and I didn't know why. He laughed and said he'd do the same thing if he thought he saw John Leguizamo. No charges were pressed and the officer actually gave me $20!
OK, that obviously didn't happen. But this is true: When I was a kid I'd ride around in the basement on my Big Wheel. I looked up once at the top of the wall which separated the basement from the backyard and I saw two bright, unmoving dots. It freaked the crap out of me and I thought they were the eyes of a bat or something like that. I called my mom at work because I was so freaked out and told her we had a bat in our basement and it was staring at me while I rode my Big Wheel. She told me to STFU and get my pussy ass back down there and ride my g-damn Big Wheel. Of course those two dots were only holes for phone lines or some such, and they were covered so only light but not water would leak in.