Your Parents

[Zeon]

Mike has a point Missa. I don't think anything he is saying is of mal-intent, in fact it is quite the opposite. You have proven many a time that you are a kind, helpful, caring, and just downright awesome human being. The only reason mike is offering his advise is because he cares about you. We all do. True, none of us are really in a position to understand what you have been through, and none of us have the credentials to truly help you. He is just offering the suggestion that you should take a look at your life, where you are at, and where you are going and decide if that is ok for you. Although we see a problem, it is up to you and only you to decide if there really is a problem for you and if you need to change that. All of us here are here for you, we will support you and help you, but there is only so much we can do.

I truly hope you do not see this as an attack or us being malicious or rude, we are simply expressing our thoughts to you because we care and worry about you.

[Michael Helgeson]

Ill note too Missa,my family,the majority of them in general,aunt,uncles,cousins, I literally had to cut my ties with them in my teens. We only got together at holidays, for the usual gift giving and as I started to get older I started to pay less attention to opening up awesome gifts and getting money and listen more into what the adults talked about, which was usually bad racist jokes or just really obnoxious stuff in general that I wanted no part in. I ended up taking myself out of the situation, not getting together for family events, and avoiding them almost altogether. Its a hard thing to do at any age,completely shunning parts of your family. My mom and sister were not like this, nor was my grandfather. Mostly he was just quiet about things.

He was a pretty passive person all in all. My grandmother, whom I still see, is more or less hard wired old south in some ways. She had that mild old racist like manner about her that over the years, she has overcome mostly or keeps to herself. She was also bi-polar, and a heavy alcoholic in earlier years of my youth. I loved her to death, because she was always there for me when I needed her, so it really hurt to see her like this, so Im very thankful for the life she lives now compared to how she did back then. I think my grandfather passing away changed alot of her, for the good, rather then for worse.

In retrospect now, this great family I have shunned, the majority of them are the last ones willing to help my grandmother when she is ill, or needs help with important things, like bill runs, groceries, picking up meds, ect. as she is around 82, and cant do too much stuff on her own, so in that regard I often feel I made the best choice by not having much of anything to do with them. To me it seems mostly family was only important to them when Xmas hit, and thats not how it should be. Stuff like that will only cause hurt.

[Windancer]

Oh Missa,
I was teary eyed reading your post. I cannot understand any of your problems. I had 2 wonderful parents who were always there for me and my mother who is still with us is still there for me anytime I need her. My father passed away about 15 years ago and I had a few issues with him growing up but the last couple years of his life he really reached out to me and came to live with us and we talked it out and got things straight. I miss him very much today and wish he was still with us. My father was always drinking when I was young and ruined many of goodtimes we would have at family gatherings and such. As we got older though I think he realized this and really made a great effort to quit the drinking. In fact the last 3 years of his life he didnt drink at all and me and wife had a great time with him living with us. Im so sorry that you had a bad upbringing it sounds like your parents are very selfish. I know it would be hard to break away from them cause they are your parents and you may feel alone out there in the world. But maybe that would be what it takes for you to be a better woman. I hope the best for you missa and will throw some prayers your way for a better life as I love talking with you in the shoutbox and trading items. You are a wealth of information and a great person in this forum. I hate to see you hurting. You've probably been to doctors for help I hope that maybe you might hookup the right one someday and you can help yourself sort out your issues with everything. You can email me anytime missa and talk about anything i'm no pro but I will give you some compassion and understanding. It's always good to talk about things with someone whether they be professional or not. I dont give advise as I dont feel like im in that position to do so but im pretty good listener.


*hugs*
windancer

[MissaFX]

Missa, reflecting on it all, this is how I see it. You can totally take it as either me being a a$$hole (which I tend to often be since I typically call it liek I see it), or as a intervention, or just solid advice. This is just the internet,so what you do outside of it is completely up to you in the end.

Since you have been here you have made many statements about being Bi-polar, having Asperger syndrome, asthma, and hip issues. Since I don't know you in person, I could only assume either all of this was true or you have may suffer from a mild form of Munchausen syndrome. True,the vast majority of people who suffer from Munchausen syndrome often seek out attention from doctors, there are many who seek attention by other means, family, friends, peers, ect. Munchausen syndrome itself can be caused by alot of what you described as how your childhood went down so before you decide to get mad as to why I would think this, just know that Im just going by what all you have stated, and so by that, that was how I formed that assumption. Again,that's all that it is, a assumption since I don't know you in person, just me being a bystander sizing up the situation as he sees it. Part of the reason I see it this way is possibly because I have been around people who have suffered from it, but that by no means makes me a expert in the field, just someone who has had a little experience in it here and there. Munchausen syndrome can sometimes result from severe depression, and its very obvious you are depressed due to serious issues, and there is medication and counseling out there to help for illness like this. Help is there, but often times unless some one else steps up and forces the person suffering from it to get help, they often dont.

If infact you do have all the problems listed above, again, counseling, and the right medication would benefit you more then hurt you. Obviously if your bi-polar/Asperger you should be on medication. Either way it goes, its obvious you suffer from a great deal of depression, and there is help out there for all the above, and in many cases,free. There is free counseling, support groups, ect. Yes, you would have to seek out said help on your own, as no one here could do it for you, or force you to, it just has to be to that point where you say enough is enough and seek it out. It could greatly improve your situation.

Also coming into play is your surroundings. Sometimes its best to leave them and move elsewhere. You literally just have to take yourself out of what could be a bad situation where you are exposing yourself to alot of unwanted hurt, and move on. Moving to a new town, city, state can help you start fresh. Surround yourself with new friends,, make yourself a new family of people who are supportive of you. In the process, sadly you would have to cut contact too with the cause of the pain, as in this case,your parents, but this would prob be more beneficial to you then harmful from what all you have described. In the end, you have to do what is best for you. Your parents had their time in this world with you, and they botched it, yours is now and you need to look out for your own better interest.


Either way,as I see it,you are hitting that point in your life where you really need to put your foot down and say enough is enough, and do something drastic to help improve your life and well being. Just my 2 cents on it all. And no,this has nothing to do with anything you and I discussed in shout so dont size it up as a personal attack of any type. I have actually been thinking about this for awhile now, for many different reasons, and discussed it plenty prior with a couple of others both before and after you made this thread. Just hoping you take some of it to heart either way because you shouldn't have to live feeling like your life has amounted to nothing but shit, nor should you let your past continue to haunt or control you I think..

Holy crap your insane!  You can't even keep track of my problems, not once have I had a hip or bi-polar problem, nor do I suffer from depression.  You tried to fight with me today and when I wouldn't fight with you, you bad mouthed me for pages and pages in a personal attack on me designed to do nothing but get you attention Michael.  You are also ignorant of the USA and our federal programs, extreemly ignorant.  You seem to be the only person with this huge problem with my life and have seemed to have it out for me for a long time here.  I have tollerated your behaviour and even been friendly with you, but you for whatever reason have just never learned how to get along with people.

Try to hide what you have done, but the drama train stops here buddy.  If you continue this needless hostility I will report you to the mods.

[Michael Helgeson]

Missa, when Nintega was doing his stuff in shout, when it was suggested he may be Bi-polar, or have Asperger syndrome, you indeed claimed to have the such like him, along with ADD and went on to state the symptoms you experience.  Its often genetic so you saying your mom has it too along with her other problems doesn't surprise me. Drug using problems, bi-polar, alcoholism, these things often can be genetic in their origin. I could have swore before in shout also you mentioned having them and a hip issue that kept you from going out to do certain things. This was in regards to when you were complaining about issues with a pre-paid debt card and a certain ebay rip off that had happened and trying to get that situation fixed. Do I keep up with all your health problems,no. I only seem to see them when I am on and you mention them in public.

Of course,this all would be in shouts archive if you or anyone else wanted to nitpick and look back on it, and again, I could be wrong, but at anyrate I remember positively you saying in a post also you were stuck at home disabled due to some kind of lower back or hip problem, so if I got that minor detail as to why mixed up, forgive me. I did not bad mouth you for pages upon pages on end, and no, I'm not so ignorant as you would like people to believe. My ex was bi-polor, and qualified for many programs and support groups, clinics, free medications, which she simply flat out refused to partake in,other then right after she tried to kill herself. Even then she only got help for a short while before insisting again as usual that she was fine and everyone was out to get her,or crazy, or simply that they were saying she was crazy.

The same goes for her mother,father and brother. When they moved to Arkansas we had to help them get the proper help they needed set up. The last person I dated, her brother had similar issues I got to learn about. People in my own family have had issues in the past, its not a new subject to me nor is searching out the proper programs,support groups, and meds for it. I am also quite aware of the disability programs that are offered out there due to illness or injury, that can be keeping someone from obtaining valid work, ect. I'm not even going to go into my past work experience.

I also don't know what this stems from, but I fail to see how you would say I have had it out for you, esp for a long time now. What exactly have I done to you in the past to make such a accusation exactly? Please elaborate specifically if you don't mind? I mean, anyone I was out to get, I wouldn't speak to when I see them in shout, nor invite to play Shogo with, often when I knew they were around.... I don't make it a habit to host online games to play with people I don't like....... or join them on theirs.

Its obvious you have some kind of depression going on, Im not the only one that sees it here, others do as well, nor do threads like these appear out of nowhere. You don't see other members here starting major threads like this daily or weekly unless something is wrong. As far as hiding something, I have nothing to hide. I didn't converse with myself in shout. Zeon and others were there too. Did I get irked with you, initally, yes, because it was your insistance to say I was in a bad mood and wanted to argue, when indeed I did not, then you up and left. I said something right after about you that I wish I could take back, but cant, as it was very harsh, and expressed my feelings perhaps in too negative of a manner, but does not really pertain to the other subject that was taking place righ up until a couple mins after you left, nor do I feel what I said was the right way to initially address this situation here.

Regardless of that, I only made a point that you felt the need to comment on a situation you claimed to not even know the details about (regardless of whether it was your goal to make a point or not), with automatic statements that I pointed out are typical and that every one gives (they were the exact same ones given for Dean, that even I myself were guilty of giving), and why people should not be doing the such anymore. You took that as a insult I can only assume, as you ran. If you cant handle such heated debates or discussions to begin with, don't insert yourself into them as you did, that usually works best. Yes I was blunt with you, but I did not mean to insult you there, nor does that have anything to do with the fact you started this thread, so you can drop the everyone's out to get me victim act, your a adult for Christ sake. Time to tough up a tad.

Regardless, that too again  has nothing to do with my post nor Zeons in this thread, regardless of what some would consider bad timing (which I mean really,would it matter if this was referred to 2 weeks from now? I doubt it, as I think your reaction would be the same regardless), and the other could be discussed elsewhere if you still wanted to, which I doubt. If you feel perhaps this is only due to you and I talking today, then you can ask Nec in private if you like, as the stuff I mentioned today I mentioned prior to him the other nite on yahoo. It has nothing to do with today's shout event other then me and Zeon discussing it, and I have nothing to hide as to how I feel about the situation, or my thoughts on it.

 If you don't like reading/ hearing others thoughts on it, then I highly suggest you don't post about it, as you are taking your private life and presenting it for others to examine and discuss in both a positive and negative manner. Am I going to tell you what exactly others think or have expressed to me about it, no, that's up to them to do so, and really honestly, the only reason I even posted here again was due to Zeon suggesting someone maybe should, regardless of if you really wanted to hear it or not. It was not my initial idea so that you will know. But again,I have had prior discussion about it with others, yes.

In regards to you commenting on my issues with getting along with others here, I seem to have no lack of friends here, or for getting along with them. Oddly the only folks I tend to not get along with are the same ones my friends dont get along with either, go figure....  I however wasn't aware you were just tolerating me and doing me such a great honor as to being friendly with me, but if that's how you see it, you can drop the act. Nothing I hate worse then folks acting fake or living in make believe, as I have stated plenty times before. You dont have to act fake with me, even to keep up civilness. If you dont like me, then simply avoid me if it does you a better service, don't feel like you have to speak to me or otherwise just because I am in shout, or that we are in the same community. Its simply just as polite as far as I see it, and am more then happy to do the same.

 For your part, this will be the last time I reply to you in any manner then, until I hear you desire otherwise in a respectable fashon. Personally, I take it as a huge insult that you have stated I have been out to get you for the longest (regardless of if it stems from community paranoia, bi-polar,Asperger, or whatever), reasons why are listed above, I have more then proved I am the last person out to get you, so how I see it is a waste of my time to do any further conversing with you. I simply don't need the stress it would cause to do otherwise.


EDIT: I am archiving these post for later, and all replies from said individual it involves, incase it is to be later removed, more or less for my own reflectional viewing on my part, but also due to the fact others have stressed that the last post by the thread starter was infact very extreme on most counts, and as recommended by someone incase it is needed in the future as it has been insinuated upon by the thread starter as that I infact seriously frown upon in a public or private manner, others with mental illness, or disabilities, which I infact do not. While I am going to choose to ignore it and the person behind the statements at this time by giving no credence to it or direct replies, I am also going to be wise enough to put all my ducks in a row so to speak, incase the need arises in the future to reference this due to some serious action taken by said thread starter in some future date, incase said accusations/insinuations are falsely thrown out there again towards myself or possibly others for whatever reason.

[nodtveidt]

My late ex had Munchausen syndrome. It doesn't sound like Missa has it...I became quite experienced in what it's like, and did lots of research. Cases like Missa's aren't uncommon, especially in today's society. However, medication is rarely the answer; it's supposed to be used when all other options fail. Bipolar disorder, for example, can often be handled and controlled with a corrective diet that includes a large daily dose of omega-3.

[Michael Helgeson]

My late ex had Munchausen syndrome. It doesn't sound like Missa has it...I became quite experienced in what it's like, and did lots of research. Cases like Missa's aren't uncommon, especially in today's society. However, medication is rarely the answer; it's supposed to be used when all other options fail. Bipolar disorder, for example, can often be handled and controlled with a corrective diet that includes a large daily dose of omega-3.

I wont even begin to debate that, as it is a very good point, but only state whatever treatment someone would decide to take should be the one suggested by their doctor. And if they need to do so, see 2 or 3 doctors to get a real solid assessment. If the doctor/doctors suggest a certain diet, def head to it sure. I know I would. If they suggest a certain med, maybe get a second or even third consult and see what a couple others think first if you feel uncomfortable just jumping on meds. Same applies for the diet aspect. Incase someone didn't feel that was the right way to deal with it, they should always seek out a second opinion.

[Sparky]

OK now i am worried, mike has turned into Dr. Phil … come on guys… she does not need to be diagnosed of her problems... she needed to place to vent using us as an ear as a community, she does not need any more stress in her life from this place, sure she opens herself up to comments but be gentle we all have our problems.
Mike your intentions may have been for the good but hells… could you have not sent her a PM with your thoughts... this is going to bother her and she is a great girl.

[Michael Helgeson]

OK now i am worried, mike has turned into Dr. Phil … come on guys… she does not need to be diagnosed of her problems... she needed to place to vent using us as an ear as a community, she does not need any more stress in her life from this place, sure she opens herself up to comments but be gentle we all have our problems.
Mike your intentions may have been for the good but hells… could you have not sent her a PM with your thoughts... this is going to bother her and she is a great girl.

The only reason people brought it up is because they care to some extent, and in the same effect know that they cant do much else here but listen to and comment on what has been said, or whatever is going on. Simply saying nothing is just as well as not caring alot of people would say. Either way, Ive got nothing more to say on it (the health subjects)  if it concerns her in general, as I don't want to give her any more "your out to get me " bait.

[Sparky]

yes i see you care but sending her a PM first would have been better in my opinion

[MissaFX]

OK now i am worried, mike has turned into Dr. Phil … come on guys… she does not need to be diagnosed of her problems... she needed to place to vent using us as an ear as a community, she does not need any more stress in her life from this place, sure she opens herself up to comments but be gentle we all have our problems.
Mike your intentions may have been for the good but hells… could you have not sent her a PM with your thoughts... this is going to bother her and she is a great girl.

The only reason people brought it up is because they care to some extent, and in the same effect know that they cant do much else here but listen to and comment on what has been said, or whatever is going on. Simply saying nothing is just as well as not caring alot of people would say. Either way, Ive got nothing more to say on it (the health subjects)  if it concerns her in general, as I don't want to give her any more "your out to get me " bait.

I love how you say you are done after you go on over and over again, even unable to drop it now by making this reply.  Since you have nothing helpful to say to the members here and you seem to be still making up lies about me, like I am bi-polar, of which I have never claimed to have (find a single source anywhere, I dare you).  I have no choice but to report you to the mods of this site for harrassment and for trying to spread lies about me for nothing other than your personal gain of feeling better yourself.  My god Michael, you must have not faced a lot of hardship in your life, and I should be happy for you in that respect. 

I also thought you checked your facts here when you led your crusades against members here.  Just because you feel a certain way and have no facts to back it up, does not mean that you are correct in your assumption.  The reason people feel afraid to open up in this world is because of people like you Michael. 

This is supposed to be a thread for people to get out things about their parents they have been holding back, or for people to praise their parents where they went right.  You are doing nothing but taking this thread off topic and hijacking it for your own selfish needs.  I have lost my tollerance for your "antics" here Michael.  Your bahaviour is that of a bully and nothing more.  Anyone who believes otherwise need only to read the whole shoutbox log from today.  Your intent of nothing more than inventing an argument with me and then badmouting me for PAGES AND PAGES after I refused to fight with you.  Then you went and hijacked this thread because you couldn't leave well enough alone, probably to try to rile me up more.

I do not back down to bullies Michael, and if nothing for the sake of every person here with some problem who you also think is a pile of proverbial crap.  I base my argument on nothing but the hate I have seen you spew forth today and the intollerance you have shown to the less able than yourself.  I know this hateful person you often show as your mask is not the real you, but until there is a time that you wish to reveal your true self more than that other mask or self, as other brave people have done in this thread and others, you do not deserve the fellowship you now recieve here.

I suffer greatly each day because of my physical conditions, my mental ones are just the spice that keeps life interesting.  You can make light of the mental/physical conditions I have and as long as you don't try to add a bunch on which are constructs of sunshine blown out of the ass of a flying squirell on to me...the worst I will do is call you an a$$h@le and move on with my life.  You've made this WAAAAY too personal though Michael whether you realize it or not right now.  I've seen nothing from you today but personal attacks against me because you didn't understand what I was talking about and were too embarassed to admit it once you did.  I came right out and said, hey, this is where I thought you guys were comming from.  Why couldn't you just let it go at that.  (notice that is not a question mark, this is not a question, nor open to a reply from you michael)